Everything you do will kill your baby, and other crap people will tell you.

Between, “Honey we are killing the kids” on tv, the article in the womans day magazine Laurel got in hospital titled “Are you killing your children?” and the nurses list of 50 million don’ts, I’m suprised anyone in the world manages to live past the age of 2.
Apparently pretty much everything will kill your baby including all the things they told you last week were good for your baby. There’s an entire doctoral study in the contradictorial information you have forced upon you when you become a parent. And another thesis on why people think it’s even remotely their business to tell you what to do.

Some of the gems we have discovered today are

  • Swaddling is out, free hands are in
  • Slings will kill your baby by compressing its neck (apparently every single person in africa and 90% of asia is wrong)
  • Car seat head stabilisers will kill your baby, resurrect it, and kill it again
  • Holding your baby upright will kill it, and your cat, and your dogs, and your neighbours grandchild
  • Polyester is as bad as putting your baby in the microwave on high
  • Looking at your baby will cause it to go blind
  • Not looking at your baby will cause it to go blind

Luckily we have our friends, parents, ante natal class and lovely midwife to reassure us that its not that scary really.

2 thoughts on “Everything you do will kill your baby, and other crap people will tell you.”

  1. haha…It’s funny…my brother and sister-in -aw were worried my niece was getting a misshapen head because they were placing her to sleep on her back every night ( of course…if you place them on their stomach…instant crib death…you might as well smother them with a pillow)…they considered everything including a helmet to keep her from smothering to death, but at the same time avoid being called “football head” her entire life ( so she would only look silly as a baby trotting around town in a plastic helmet and not as an adolescent)…they went to the experts and finally one of the top specialists at the fairly prestigious Columbia medical center said ” alternate what side she sleeps on from night to night…get a baby monitor…she’ll be fine”


  2. My Doctor was great when my first baby was born saying: “It’s actually really hard to kill a child and you can’t do it be accident”.


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