So this morning I was doing my impression of a T Rex making breakfast (don’t ask) and Atarau said “they don’t make that noise you know.” I said “you are probably right but no one has ever heard one”. That caused Kahu to jump in with “well what about homo sapiens?”
That started me on explaining neanderthals, cro-magnon, homo sapiens etc.
Which prompted the where did they come from question. So as I was making sandwiches for their lunches I attempted to explain evolution in 10 minutes, which resulted in the following comments.
Kahu: Oh, like upgrades.
Atarau: That’s why I like bananas eh?
Kahu: Oh and that’s why some kids are sometimes silly, they are still growing out of being a monkey.
I’d call it a moderate success.
In part two of explaining concepts before being fully awake, tune in for Chris trying to explain sexism and racism.
So sometimes my parents pick up the kids from school, and Kahurangi loves chatting, so we sometimes chat online while I am at work. One of the things the school is working on is answering addition problems fast. (Fast is the key, it’s almost more important than right). Chat is a great way to practice that. Below is a sample of it, I cut a lot of the math bits out because that isn’t super interesting. However I decided to leave in the surrounding conversation because it cracks me up.
Are you being good for nan? Kahurangi
is atarau being good? Kahurangi
is atarau being good too?
you cant use the tablet unless you are being good Kahurangi
I’m sure I’m being good Chris
do nan and koro want me to get something for dinner? Kahurangi
If you like koko will pay you back Chris
what do they want? fish and chips? Kahurangi
3 Sausages and one fish and wedges and chips Chris
ok, thanks Kahurangi
have you done some maths? Kahurangi
whats 3 + 9 Kahurangi
whats 12 – 4 Kahurangi
Oops sorry that was a mistake 9 Chris
you were right the first time
it is 8 Kahurangi
WHAT DE HELL Chris
What does lol mean
Does it mean lauf out loud
Atarau and nan are playing marble run
Are you responding Chris
thats what it means Kahurangi
Hello jello bello
Are you coming home Chris
yep, leaving in about 10 minutes
then gotta stop to get the fish and chips Kahurangi
Work until 5 o clock Chris
the traffic is too bad
ill finish at 4.30
and then be home by about 5.30 with the food Kahurangi
ok i gotta get back to work, aunty might send you a chat invite Kahurangi
There was an old lady who swallowed a fly that wriggled and jiggled inside her
I need to charge this thing
This morning we were running late for swimming, and to make it worse we forgot one of the swimming bags. So after turning round and going back home to get togs we had very little time to get breakfast. Then I realised I needed petrol, screw it, I thought, pies for everyone.
So that’s not the tip everyone knows pies are good, the tip is not caring about all the looks you get when your 5 year old is munching on a pie by the side of the pool while his brother swims. The old me would have been seething and barely holding back the desire to yell “What! You don’t know me man”. Now I’m happy to just let it wash over me. So that’s my tip, judgers be judging, ignore them and enjoy your pie.
This one is a little bit trickier to pull off, first you will need a friendly German colleague who gives you her Raspberry Pi. (I guess you could just buy one yourself too). Then you need kids who are mad keen on crafting games specifically Minecraft, or in my case Minetest. Minetest is an Open Source clone of Minecraft which means I can run it in on the Raspberry Pi pretty easily, and I can make any changes I like.
What I have done is set up Minetest running as a server on the Pi and running a world in which I have created a ‘Rewards hut’
In there is a locked chest which only I (well they could but they’d get in trouble if they did and they know that) can open
And a sign that tells them what to do to get the current reward.
You wont be able to read whats on the sign (unless you click through) but it says “Put your washing in the laundry for 10 steel ingots”. This actually works pretty well, you have to make the reward worth it, ie it would take them a bunch of time to get steel by mining. I guess it fits into a different definition of lazy, it does involve me making a bunch of things that can be used as rewards and going and changing the sign every so often. But it’s kinda fun too.
A couple of years ago we went as a family to Rotorua, the highlight of the trip for the kids was not the geothermal parks, nor Paradise Springs, or indeed any other tourist spot we visited. It was the breakfast buffet in the hotel.
So what do you do when you are lazy, and leave making the kids lunches until the morning and so are trying to get them dressed, and make the lunches, and get them to eat. You create a budget breakfast buffet for them. Basically I just put bowls, spoons and all the cereals on the table, got two bottles and put milk into each so that when they spill (when not if) it won’t be a full 2 litres. And away you go.
Of course it wasn’t quite as successful as I would have liked, most of my plans born of laziness aren’t.
Here’s how it looked when I set it up.
And here’s how it looked after a breakfast
Yes that is a baseball bat on the table … and some of those damned animal cards from countdown, and someone snuck oreos in as a breakfast food. They didn’t spill 2 litres of milk though, so I’ll take that as a win.
Stay tuned for more tips, that probably won’t work, from a lazy dad.